2000-11-11-5:32 pm CDT
There is something that I am doing in my life right now that I don't want to tell anyone. It's not a bad thing. In fact it is something that will affect me in only positive ways. I hope that you forgive me for keeping this to myself. But you see I am so afraid. Afraid of failing. I don't want anyone to know because if I fail they will know that I have failed. If no one knows that I am doing it they won't know whether or not I fail at it. Does that make sense? I have never been good at failure. I am the strong one. The rock. Sometimes that's so hard to be. So for now I need to save this little tidbit of information just for me. If it works, I'll share it with all of you. I won't tell you because I am ashamed that this project of mine is even necessary. I won't tell you because then you'll know my "secret." I feel like a thief in the night, waiting for my roommate to leave so I can do what I have to do. I know that I am being stupid. My roommate is a wonderful person who would only support me and motivate me, but still I refuse to tell her. I know this makes no sense right now. I am not sick, I am not dying, I have no psychological problems (except for those voices). I'm just afraid. I suppose the reason that I'm writing this is to ask for your vibes of energy and well wishes. I think I'll need them. And know that you all have mine. Have a happy, shiny weekend everyone! Love,
Supersteph
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