2001-11-20-4:00 p.m.
Sometimes all it takes to turn a life around is one person, even a stranger, who sparks in you everything you've ever wanted to be, who embodies everything you thought could never exist in anyone, let alone yourself. This person may never know it. This is something one certainly cannot just blurt out to someone. How do you tell a person you barely know that they have completely altered your entire outlook on things for the rest of your life? Pretty heavy stuff. I've mentioned here before that I think God gives us every person for a reason. Anyone we meet has some special place in our lives. Whether this person likes you or not, loves you or not, or even knows you or not, it doesn't matter. They can have the most profound impact on your life. You just have to be open to seeing the stunning revelation that others have to offer about yourself. The other day I wrote an entry about my being in love with a boy who I am certain doesn't love me back. So I began thinking about why I think I love this boy. I realized soon after that I love who he is. Everthing he does is something I want to do in my life. Everything he is, I want to be. I have realized, and I am beginning to come to terms with my heartbreak at the knowledge that he is very much enamoured with someone else, a more compatible sort for him I suppose. That doesn't change the fact that this man has quite unknowingly turned me into a new person, one who strives to find my purpose in life beyond being a sister, a daughter, a student, a friend, all of which are important. But I know that this is not all I am meant to be. I went to church on Sunday, not becuase of him, as I initially feared I was doing, but because I felt in my heart that I needed to be there. I have submitted my application at a volunteer service center for runaway children, not because he is an avid volunteer, but because this is always something I have wanted to do but never had the inclination to put forth the effort. The materialistic monster that had been getting out of control is waning just a bit ( I still have a long way to go.) I realized that I am most happy when I am doing some sort of charity work, a kindness to others. Still I am not completely selfless. I still seek happiness for me, but I no longer wish for him to love me. That is not not for me right now. I still have so much growing and seeing and doing. When God sees that I am ready to grow with someone else, I will find that one perfect love that even the angels themselves will weep at the beauty of.
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