T gave me a hug goodbye tonight and I realized that my old unrequited crush wasn't so dead and buried. I remembered meeting T on my very first day here. How he was a good friend of my good friend. I remember thinking that he was an asshole and he was too short but that there was something irresistable about his cute little grin. I see my old freshman year roommate from time to time and notice how she's changed, how I've changed in the past four years, and how I learned to let go of the hurt at not getting along with her.

I am leaving my cocoon of the easy days when school and papers were the most pressing worries and relying on my parents for everything was acceptable. I cannot imagine a September passing without my first day of school being in it. I have no job, no money and a load of debt.

I want to stay here but I want to move on as well. Every person here has helped me to learn about myself and life. I just can't believe it's over so soon. It boggles my mind that four years have come and gone so quickly and now people expect me to be ready to leave and be an adult.

There is so much I would have done differently, and much I wouldn't change for the world. I definitely would have gone to class and enjoyed my education more. I would have worked more and gone to the city more. I would have accepted my defeats and rejoiced in my triumphs more often. I would not have wished these four years away so quickly. I would have gotten laid at some point in my college career. I would have kissed more people, and hugged them and tried harder to cultivate friendships with people I really like, instead of feeling as if we had nothing in common.

I would have loved being here every minute of every day instead of seeing most things as chores.

When I walk across the stage in a week and a half, I wonder if I will remember all those people and experiences that impacted my life, or if anyone will remember my impact on theirs. I'll miss the people I met, the classes I went to (or skipped) every day, the life I made here was uniquely mine and I know that it's time to move on. I just hope that the move isn't so far that I lose sight of the home I had.