2002-09-19-10:53 p.m.
I called my cousin tonight. She's away at school too, down in St. Louis. We haven't spoken in about a month and our relationship was strained over the summer. She's changing, not necessarily bad change, just different. But she's turning into a person to whom I'm having a really hard time relating. Last year, her first year of college, we talked weekly. She came home and we always saw each other. Over the summer, she never seemed to have time for me. When we were together, she was on the phone with her friends from St. Louis. I don't know why it's making me so angry that she's leaving. Isn't that what we are supposed to do when we grow up? She never really needed to be at home, like me. I need my family and don't forsake them for my friends. Don't get me wrong my close friends are part of my family. She doesn't see it that way. She spends her entire year with her friends. where does her family fit in? There doesn't seem to be much of a place for us in her scheme of things.
Now she's not coming home for Thanksgiving, she leaves for Spain in January. She'll be jetting all over the counrty during winter break. These are times I save for my family. Holidays aren't spent away from home. I always knew she would be the one of us to leave, I just didn't know it would be so soon. I miss her. I feel like I'm not important enough to be in her life. When she was having problems, she came to me. Now that she's not, she can't seem to find the time for me. Is it right for me to feel used? And, why, in my busy life filled with friends and family who do still make time for me, do I feel so lonely? Love,
Supersteph
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