Lately my life has become a contradiction of emotions. I seem to vacillate between absolute happiness and complete despair. It mostly has to do with a man (go figure). Everything about him confuses me. I know so much about him yet I don't *know* him at all. He is an enigma to me and I know it's in my best interest to cut off all contact with him, for my own sanity. The funny thing is that I don't have that much contact with him as it is. Anything that I feel towards him, any dreams that I've created, come from my own mind. He barely knows that I exist. Even if he did have any knowledge of my feelings a relationship is next to impossible. He is too different, too old, and much too far away.

Desire is one of the most wonderfully awful emotions to have. The very images that desire conjure up are ones of heat and passion and longing. Sounds wonderful doesn't it? Desire becomes awful, almost unbearable in fact, when the feeling isn't reciprocated. One-sided desire can make someone feel more alone than any other experience in the world. Everyone has that one person that they can never let go of, that can never be forgotten. Everyone has that one person for whom they would do anything, even step back and let that love be taken away if they thought it would make the other person happy.

This tumult of emotions has been raging in my head for months. When I found him he was madly in love with a woman. I was so happy for him because he'd finally found love, he was finally happy. Then she wasn't around anymore and I began to dream. I raised my hopes so high that I was floating off the ground. And I got hurt. I made myself realize that anything I had dreamed up was impossible.

I'm struggling with these feelings still. I don't know if they'll ever go away. I allowed myself to fall too deeply into a dreamworld. Reality became skewed and I now find myself standing with my heart out in my hand. But there's no one to take it and keep it safe. That is the sadness of desire. Heat rushing through your body, passion burning in your soul, longing tugging at your heart. With no one to soothe the burn.

Make your days as full of love and happiness as you can.