Now, I'll assume that you took the bait and asked, "Steph, what are you afraid of?" My answer: Everything. My fear is not your normal, everyday fear. I am in a constant state of worry at all times of the day, every day. Here is an example. I work as a nurse's aide. I'm good at my job. I know that I'm good at my job. However, this does nothing to alleviate the raw, sickening, gnawing ache in my stomach about having to go to work tomorrow.

I am sent all over the hospital, wherever I'm needed. So my first fear is, where will I be sent? Will I like the place to where I am sent? Will it be busy? What if it's too busy? What if it's not busy enough? Then I'll feel useless. What if I have to take a blood pressure? I'm not very good at blood pressures. I don't have a stethescope to use. I can't take a blood pressure without a stethescope.... Useless, frivolous waste of time and energy.

Work isn't the only thing about which I worry. I worry about school, home, friends, family, my life in ten years, my life in fifteen years, next week, tomorrow, what happened yesterday, what happened today, and on and on and on. My brain is ready to explode. This has even gotten to the point where I avoid social situations due to this overwhelming anxiety. I make myself sick, literally. There are times when I'll worry, and not know what it is about which I'm worrying. It's just always there. Sure, I may not let you know that I feel it, and you'll never see that I feel it, but at every turn that fear is with me. Gnawing, and clawing, and burning its way through my mind, my body, my soul.

Anyone have an antacid?

May you all see that there is so much more to life than what-ifs.

Love,
Supersteph