2002-08-28-12:44 a.m.
I was re-archiving my entries just now and I noticed that in the past year my writing has dropped off significantly. Believe me it is not for the lack of drama in my life, for there is plenty of that! I can't really say what's keeping me from this journal. I WANT to write, I just don't know what to write about. Maybe I've realized that my problems are so ridiculous or so simple or frivolous that I am afraid to put them out here for anyone to see. I don't want to be laughed at. That was always a really big problem for me. I don't really care if people ignore me, but to ridicule me, to not accept me in any way, usually tears me apart.On a different note, I am back at school. I am going to have a great year! My classes are amazing, My professors are cool, and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Something odd did happen to me today. On of my friends mentioned Jeff's name and I cringed. I didn't want to hear it. I don't want to talk about him. I just want it over with! For anyone who has no clue who Jeff is, I'll tell ya. Jeff was the love of my life a short four months ago. Of course, as is always the case with me, I was not the love of his life. I got over him pretty fast after he graduated (I guess it wasn't true love after all) and anticipated never seeing or hearing about him ever again. I was fine with that, actually happy. Don't get me wrong, I would be fine if I did see him. I spent an entire month with him last year, knowing he knew I liked him. We were fine, even friends. But I wanted to close that chapter of my life, and in my mind that means never seeing him again. I don't want him, I don't miss him. I frankly am tired of him, his name, and the entire mess of last year. I feel as if I have grown so much over the summer (A new crush doesn't hurt) that I just want to live a Jeff-free life. Why, even now, must he come back to haunt me? GO AWAY, JEFF!!! I don't want you anymore! Wishing you all a Jeff-free life! Love,
Supersteph
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