2001-01-23-12:47 am CDT
Have you ever noticed how the things we take for granted are the ones that we count on most for our own comfort and peace-of-mind? It seems to me that the very people in my life that are the most important are also the ones that I treat the worst. I think it's because I know that no matter what I say or do to them, their love is unconditional. That's why I tend to be a pushover when it comes to confronting those who are less important to me with a problem I have. Last year, there were so many people in my life who took advantage of me. It was my fault really. I let them. The funny thing is that I am almost glad that I went through that experience. While it did kill some of my optimism in the goodness of all people, it helped me to grow a backbone, as it were. When the realization came to me that not everyone is going to like me, it was kind of devastating. How could someone not reciprocate my actions of kindness towards them? Was there something wrong with me? I mentioned before that my roommate last year didn't like me because I was "too nice." It really saddens me that there is a such thing as being "too nice." Isn't the basic goal of humanity to love and be loved? It takes so much energy to hate, to be mean, or grumpy. I'm not an idiot, I realize that there are people that do uncomprehensible things. But I am also aware of this unbelieveable capacity that we all have within ourselves to love. Even though none of my family reads this (no one knows I have it) I need to apologize to them and thank them. For putting up with me and my MANY outbursts, my neurotic rants and worry fests, for not laughing at me and my crazy ideas and for allowing me to vent to them without fear of them not loving me. They have taught me what love really is. For that, they deserve the best me that I can give them. Love
Supersteph
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