2005-03-18-2:07 a.m.
There's this old saying that says God doesn't give you any more than you can handle. I've always held that to be true. We have all endured heartaches that we thought would break us, that one last dagger in the heart that was so sharp, so excruciatingly painful that when the blood ran clear again we couldn't believe that we had come out alive. Perhaps we weren't as strong as when we started the journey, but changed somehow, freer than we were before.It's easy to tell ourselves that the things that happen are for the best, that the lessons learned today somehow prepare us for the events that are yet to unfold, but you wonder when the bad will go away, and when the good that happens is not good just in relation to what had happened before, but good in its own right, good just because it is. The strange thing is that it's never the huge things that get you. Your grandmother dies or your parents divorce, and that's bad and it hurts like hell, but you cry a little, maybe drink a little and then one day you pick yourself up, wash the sadness and the pain away. . .and you move on. Oh no, it's the small things that send you in a downward spiral of sorrow so deep that it seeps into your bones like a poison, wraps itself around your heart and drags you so far down that you forget what it means to be truly Happy, if that ever existed in the first place. My life's happiness has always been relative to the sorrow of life's past. I'm beginning to doubt that old adage about God. I'm not sure I can handle any more heartache. How about some pure joy for awhile? No pain with which to compare it. Just pure joy. Maybe in someone else's world, but something tells me I'm in for much more sorrow yet to come.
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